To My Nine-Year-Old Self by Helen Dunmore

Analysis of the Title

The title "To My Nine-Year-Old Self" indicates a direct address from the speaker, now an adult, to her younger self. This sets the stage for a reflective and introspective poem where the speaker engages with her past, expressing both nostalgia and a sense of loss.

Structure and Form

Form, Meter, and Rhyme

• The poem is written in free verse, consisting of six stanzas of varying lengths.
• It does not follow a specific rhyme scheme or meter, reflecting the conversational and personal nature of the monologue.
• The free verse form allows for a natural flow of thoughts and memories, mirroring the speaker's stream of consciousness as she addresses her younger self.

Speaker

• The speaker is an adult woman addressing her nine-year-old self.
• She reflects on the differences between her past and present selves, expressing both admiration for her younger self's fearlessness and regret for the physical and emotional scars she has accumulated over the years.

Setting

• The setting is primarily metaphorical, with the speaker envisioning a conversation with her younger self.
• There are references to specific childhood activities and environments, such as picking rosehips and jumping out of windows into summer mornings, which evoke a sense of nostalgia and childhood innocence.

Poetic Devices

Imagery

• The poem is rich in vivid imagery that contrasts the speaker's current physical state with her younger self's vibrant activities.

Juxtaposition

• The poem juxtaposes the carefree, energetic activities of the speaker's childhood with the cautiousness and physical limitations of her adult self.
• This contrast underscores the themes of aging and the loss of innocence.

Alliteration and Consonance

• Alliteration and consonance enhance the musicality of the poem and emphasize certain phrases.

Enjambment

• Enjambment is used throughout the poem to create a sense of continuity and flow, reflecting the speaker's stream of consciousness.
• For instance, "We made a start, but something else came up – / a baby vole, or a bag of sherbet lemons –" illustrates the distractions of childhood.

Simile

• Similes are used to deepen the connection between the speaker and her past.
• The dream is described as being "as fresh in your mind / as the white paper to write it on," emphasizing its vividness and the innocence of youth.

Key Themes

The Joy and Innocence of Childhood

• The poem highlights the carefree and adventurous nature of childhood through activities like running, climbing, and exploring.
• The speaker reminisces about her younger self's fearlessness and energy, contrasting it with her current cautiousness:

"You would rather run than walk, rather climb than run / rather leap from a height than anything."

Line by Line Analysis

Lines 1-5

You must forgive me. Don't look so surprised,

perplexed, and eager to be gone,

balancing on your hands or on the tightrope.

You would rather run than walk, rather climb than run

rather leap from a height than anything.

"You must forgive me. Don't look so surprised,"

• The speaker begins by asking for forgiveness from her younger self.
• The tone is apologetic, indicating a sense of regret or remorse.

"perplexed, and eager to be gone,"

• The younger self is depicted as confused and restless, eager to return to her activities.

"balancing on your hands or on the tightrope."

• This imagery highlights the younger self's physical agility and adventurous spirit.

"You would rather run than walk, rather climb than run / rather leap from a height than anything."

• The repetition and escalation of actions emphasize the youthful energy and fearlessness of the nine-year-old.

Lines 6-8

I have spoiled this body we once shared.

Look at the scars, and watch the way I move,

careful of a bad back or a bruised foot.

"I have spoiled this body we once shared."

• The speaker reflects on the physical deterioration of her body, indicating regret and responsibility.

"Look at the scars, and watch the way I move,"

• The mention of scars suggests both physical and emotional wounds.
• The careful movement contrasts sharply with the younger self's agility.

"careful of a bad back or a bruised foot."

• The speaker's cautiousness and physical ailments highlight the impact of time and ageing.

Lines 9-11

Do you remember how, three minutes after waking

we'd jump straight out of the ground floor window

into the summer morning?

"Do you remember how, three minutes after waking"

• The use of "we" creates a sense of shared experience and nostalgia.
• The question invites the younger self to recall a specific memory.

"we'd jump straight out of the ground floor window / into the summer morning?"

• This imagery captures the spontaneity and joy of childhood.
• The reference to "summer morning" evokes a sense of warmth and freedom.

Lines 12-15

That dream we had, no doubt it's as fresh in your mind

as the white paper to write it on.

We made a start, but something else came up –

a baby vole, or a bag of sherbet lemons –

"That dream we had, no doubt it's as fresh in your mind / as the white paper to write it on."

• The dream symbolizes the hopes and aspirations of childhood.
• The simile compares the freshness of the dream to a blank piece of paper, symbolizing innocence and potential.

"We made a start, but something else came up – / a baby vole, or a bag of sherbet lemons –"

• The distractions mentioned are playful and innocent, reflecting the carefree nature of childhood.

Lines 16-18

and besides, that summer of ambition

created an ice-lolly factory, a wasp trap

and a den by the cesspit.

• The activities mentioned highlight the creativity and inventiveness of the younger self.
• The juxtaposition of innocent projects with the harsh reality of the cesspit adds depth to the imagery.

Lines 19-21

I'd like to say that we could be friends

but the truth is we have nothing in common

beyond a few shared years. I won't keep you then.

"I'd like to say that we could be friends / but the truth is we have nothing in common / beyond a few shared years."

• The speaker acknowledges the vast differences between her adult and younger selves.
• The shared past is the only common ground, highlighting the passage of time and change.

"I won't keep you then."

• The speaker decides to let go, recognizing that she cannot hold on to her past self.

Lines 22-26

Time to pick rosehips for tuppence a pound,

time to hide down scared lanes

from men in cars after girl-children,

or to lunge out over the water

on a rope that swings from that tree

"Time to pick rosehips for tuppence a pound,"

• This line evokes a specific childhood activity, adding to the nostalgic tone.

"time to hide down scared lanes / from men in cars after girl-children,"

• The mention of hiding from men suggests a darker aspect of childhood fears.

"or to lunge out over the water / on a rope that swings from that tree"

• The imagery of swinging on a rope over water reinforces the adventurous spirit of the younger self.

Lines 27-29

long buried in housing –

but no, I shan't cloud your morning. God knows

I have fears enough for us both -

"long buried in housing –"

• This line reflects on how the physical landscape of her childhood has changed over time.

"but no, I shan't cloud your morning. God knows / I have fears enough for us both -"

• The speaker decides not to burden her younger self with her adult fears and anxieties.
• This acknowledgement underscores the emotional distance between the two selves.

Lines 30-32

I leave you in an ecstasy of concentration

slowly peeling a ripe scab from your knee

to taste it on your tongue.

• The final lines capture a moment of pure, innocent focus, emphasizing the younger self's engagement with the physical world.
• The imagery is vivid and slightly grotesque, highlighting the intense curiosity and fearlessness of childhood.