Sexuality and Lifestyle Choices: Skills (Grade 10 NSC Matric Life Orientation): Revision Notes
Sexuality and Lifestyle Choices: Skills
Being able to make responsible choices about sexuality and lifestyle requires developing several important life skills. These skills help you make informed decisions, communicate effectively, and stay true to your values and goals.
Self-awareness
Self-awareness means truly knowing yourself - your values, goals, strengths, and areas for growth. When you understand who you are, you can make choices that align with your authentic self.
How to develop self-awareness:
- Keep a personal journal where you regularly update your goals, wishes, dreams, interests, needs, likes and dislikes
- Monthly, ask yourself: "Who am I?" and answer honestly
- Reflect on important questions about your values and choices
Key reflexion questions:
Being honest with yourself about these important questions helps you understand your boundaries and make choices that reflect your true values:
- Am I someone who wants to engage in sexual activity?
- Do I want to have unprotected sexual experiences?
- Am I interested in experimenting with drugs and alcohol?
- Do I want to become a teenage parent?
- Would I consider exchanging sex for money or favours?
Critical thinking
Critical thinking is your ability to analyse situations carefully and make logical, well-reasoned decisions. This skill is essential for resisting peer pressure because you learn to think for yourself rather than simply following others.
What critical thinking involves:
- Comparing advantages and disadvantages of different options before making decisions
- Not letting emotions completely control your actions and choices
- Taking time to think through problems before reacting impulsively
- Considering how your actions will affect both yourself and others, both now and in the future
Visual Reminder: "STOP before you respond or act - Think critically!"
Use this reminder to help you pause and engage your analytical mind before making important decisions.
When you think critically, you're able to step back from pressure situations and make choices based on careful consideration rather than impulse or peer influence.
Decision-making
Good decision-making follows a structured approach that helps ensure you make responsible, informed choices.
The decision-making process:
- Gather information - Get as much reliable information as you can about the situation
- Consider your options - Think about and compare the different choices available to you
- Evaluate consequences - Carefully consider the effects of each possible choice
- Choose the best option - Select the choice that aligns with your values and goals
Worked Example: Decision-Making Comparison
| Good choices and effects | Poor choices and effects |
|---|---|
| Stay at school and complete FET | Leave school in middle of Grade 10 |
| Delay sexual activity | Have sexual intercourse before ready |
| Become a parent when mature and ready | Become a parent while still at school and too young |
Common reasons teenagers make poor sexual decisions:
Sometimes young people engage in sexual activity even when they don't really want to because they believe it will:
- Make them seem more like adults or prove their maturity
- Help them avoid difficult conversations about boundaries
- Make them feel less lonely or more connected to their partner
- Increase their popularity or social status
- Please their parents or caregivers by showing independence
Understanding these motivations can help you recognise when external pressures might be influencing your decisions.
Problem-solving
Problem-solving is a systematic approach to handling difficult situations. Using this method regularly helps keep your mind sharp and leads to better outcomes.
The five-step problem-solving method:
- Describe the problem clearly - What exactly is the situation you're facing?
- Suggest possible solutions - What are all the different ways you could handle this?
- Think about the effects - What would happen with each possible solution?
- Choose the best solution - Which option leads to the best outcomes?
- Act on the solution - Follow through with your chosen approach
This method works particularly well for relationship pressures around sexual decisions. By working through each step systematically, you can find solutions that protect your wellbeing while maintaining important relationships.
Communication
Good communication means sharing information clearly and honestly. In relationships, this involves expressing your feelings, needs, and boundaries in ways that others can understand and respect.
Effective communication includes:
- Talking to your partner about what you want and need
- Asking your partner about their wants and needs
- Discussing what feels right for both of you
- Explaining that pressure to have sex isn't part of a loving relationship
- Being clear about your decision to wait if that's what you choose
Signs of good communication:
- You avoid misunderstandings by stating very clearly what you want or need
- You're clear about your intentions - there's no confusion about what you mean
- You express your feelings honestly and directly
Practical tip: Keep a journal where you write down your feelings and thoughts. Also practise conversations where you find different ways to explain why you don't want to have sex yet. This preparation helps you communicate more confidently in real situations.
Communication skills work together with assertiveness, negotiation, and refusal skills to help you maintain healthy relationships while staying true to your boundaries.
Assertiveness
Being assertive means standing up for your rights and needs in an honest, respectful, and responsible way. It's about expressing yourself clearly without being aggressive or allowing others to take advantage of you.
The three steps of assertive communication:
- State your position - Tell the other person clearly how you feel or what you think, explain what you want to happen, and say what needs to be done
- Give your reasons - Provide explanations for your feelings or what you want to happen
- Show you understand - Demonstrate that you understand their situation, even if you don't agree
Worked Example: Assertive Communication
Position: "No, I do not want to have sex yet. I feel I am not ready for a sexual relationship."
Reasons: "I am too young and have to focus on my studies. I also think we have not known each other long enough for a serious relationship."
Understanding: "Toni, I understand how you feel. I know that you are disappointed. However, I am sure you will agree this is for the best."
Important cultural considerations:
Different cultures have varying expectations about assertive behaviour. In some cultures, women may not be encouraged to be assertive, while men are expected to take leadership roles. Understanding these cultural influences can help you navigate assertiveness in relationships while staying true to your personal boundaries.
Negotiations
Negotiation involves discussion aimed at reaching an agreement that works for everyone involved. This skill is particularly useful when you and your partner have different wants or needs.
Negotiation typically happens during conflict situations - for example, when one person wants to have sex and the other doesn't. The goal is to find a solution that respects both people's feelings and boundaries.
Worked Example: Successful Negotiation
You might negotiate with a partner to delay sex until you have completed your schooling. If your partner agrees to this timeline, you've reached a negotiated settlement where you both agree on a course of action that works for your relationship.
Good negotiation requires patience, respect, and willingness to find creative solutions that honour both people's needs and boundaries.
Refusal skills
Learning to say "No" clearly and firmly is one of the most important skills for maintaining your boundaries around sexuality and other lifestyle choices.
Key principles for saying "No":
- Your voice must be firm - you cannot say "No" in a whisper or with a giggle
- Avoid saying "No" with a smile, as this sends mixed messages
- Make sure your body language matches your words - stand tall and look directly at the person
- Give a clear message that your "No" means no, not "perhaps," "maybe," or "possibly yes"
Practical strategies for refusing:
- Just say "NO" clearly and simply
- Be specific: "No thanks, I do not want to have sex"
- Give an excuse: "No thanks, I do not want to have sex. I have to leave soon"
- Postpone: "No thanks, not now, maybe later when I feel I am ready"
- Change the subject: "No thanks, I don't want to have sex. Did you hear what happened in Generations last night?"
- Repeat yourself: Keep saying "No" in different ways if the person persists
- Walk away: Simply say "No" and leave the situation
- Stay away: Avoid people who consistently pressure you
Important reminders:
- Keep to your commitment and decision, even if you feel pressured in the moment
- Don't confuse your partner by kissing and cuddling after saying "No" - this sends mixed messages
- Your past decisions don't determine your current choices - it's never too late to say "No"
- If your partner refuses to use protection, be clear: "I love you, but NO, I'm not having sex without a condom. I am leaving now"
Remember that having sex is not a test of love. There are many ways to show love in a relationship, and waiting until you're ready doesn't mean you love someone less.
Goal-setting
Setting clear goals helps you know where you're heading in life. Without goals, you can easily get distracted from what's truly important to you.
SMART goals framework: Always set SMART goals, which are:
- Specific - Clear and well-defined
- Measurable - You can track your progress
- Achievable - Realistic and possible to accomplish
- Realistic - Practical given your circumstances
- Time-framed - Has a clear deadline or timeframe
Worked Example: SMART Goal - Abstaining from Sexual Activity
Goal statement: "I plan to abstain while I am at school so I can focus on my studies. I want to complete my FET schooling and go to university by the time I am 19 years old. I aim to become an engineer."
Breaking this down:
- Specific: Abstain from sexual intercourse, pass Grades 10-12, go to university
- Measurable: You can track your school progress through term reports
- Achievable: Many teenagers successfully abstain and pass school
- Realistic: It's possible to abstain and pass all subjects to qualify for university
- Time-framed: The goal covers four years, from now until age 19
Having clear goals makes it easier to make decisions that support what you want to achieve in life.
Gathering reliable information
The more you know, the better equipped you are to make informed decisions and solve problems effectively. Good information helps you avoid myths and misconceptions that could lead to poor choices.
Where to find trustworthy information:
- Talk to trusted adults: Parents, teachers, Life Orientation educators, religious advisers, counsellors, community leaders, social workers, and health promoters
- Visit libraries for books and resources
- Read reputable newspapers and magazines
- Use internet searches carefully - type key words like "abstinence" into search engines, but verify information from multiple sources
- Check the reliability of information - not everything online is accurate
- Use quality publications like UnCut and Soul City magazines
- Contact helplines and support services (see resources section)
Being well-informed protects you from being pressured into making decisions based on false information or peer pressure.
Important facts about abstinence
Key facts to remember:
- Abstinence means choosing not to have sexual intercourse - not allowing sperm near the vaginal or anal opening
- The majority of informed teenagers worldwide choose abstinence
- Abstinence always prevents pregnancy completely
- Abstinence causes no health problems and is safe for everyone
- Even if you're not currently a virgin, you can still choose abstinence in future relationships
- Abstinence is free and possible for everyone
- Abstinence is the most effective method of birth control
- Abstinence prevents HIV and STI transmission through sexual contact
- The only 100% sure way to avoid pregnancy is not to have sexual intercourse
Remember: Oral and anal sex can still spread HIV and STIs including herpes and chlamydia, so abstaining from these activities is also important for complete protection.
Facts about pregnancy risks
Important realities about pregnancy:
- You can enjoy relationships in ways that don't cause pregnancy or HIV
- Holding hands and kissing cannot make you pregnant
- A girl can become pregnant even if withdrawal occurs before ejaculation
- Pregnancy can occur from sex while standing up
- Pregnancy can happen if a girl has sexual intercourse during her period
- A girl can become pregnant the very first time she has sex
- Both vaginal and anal intercourse can cause pregnancy
- Even washing after sex doesn't prevent pregnancy
- Condoms can fail if not used correctly or if they're reused
- A girl can become pregnant even if she hasn't had her first period yet
Understanding these facts helps you make truly informed decisions about sexual activity and contraception.
Where to find help
Professional Support Available:
If you need support, information, or counselling about sexuality and lifestyle choices, many resources are available:
Key contact numbers:
- Lifeline (0861 322 322): 24-hour confidential telephone counselling, trauma counselling, AIDS counselling and advice
- Childline (0800 055 555): Assistance for abused children, teenagers, and young people
- AIDS Helpline (0800 012 322): Information about HIV and AIDS, post-exposure treatment information
- Marie Stopes Clinics (0800 11 77 85): Family planning services, birth control, pregnancy tests, sterilisation, HIV testing
- South African Sexual Health Association (0860 100 262): Questions and information about sexual health
These services provide confidential, professional support to help you make informed decisions and get assistance when you need it.
Key Points to Remember:
- Self-awareness is the foundation - knowing yourself helps you make choices that align with your values and goals
- Think critically before acting - take time to consider consequences and resist pressure from others
- Communication and assertiveness work together - express your boundaries clearly and stand up for your rights respectfully
- SMART goals give you direction - specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-framed goals help you stay focused on what matters
- Reliable information empowers good decisions - seek out trustworthy sources and avoid making choices based on myths or peer pressure